You Refuse to Believe that You Ever Liked Pink

Dena Eber’s daughter Margaret recently announced their new name and non-binary identity as Alex, and while she fully supports this, she’s learning who the new person is, learning to love who Alex is becoming, and considering her own evolution as a mother. The project "You Refuse To Believe that You Ever Liked Pink" unfolded over a year during which Alex and Dena came to understand what their transitions looked like and meant. As a young adult with autism spectrum disorder and countless physical ailments, Alex struggles to exist in a world that seems to run counter to how Dena’s child understands it. Along with the gender transition, Alex came into an awareness as an asexual (ace) adult, and this book reflects the search for all these identities. Even after a year of growth, Alex and Dena are still learning to navigate their relationship, define their roles, and how to claim their place in contemporary society. Unlike other work about this subject, this book not only investigates Alex’s identity, but also how a mother transitions with her transgender child. Dena Eber mentored and supported similar young adults, but this time, she’s the mother. This work is her experience, and at the request of Alex, it reveals her child’s experience as well. Dena created this book for herself, for Alex, and for all those who love and care about someone who is transforming away from their birth gender. You Refuse to Believe that You Ever Liked Pink examines the relationship between Dena and Alex through changing circumstances, supported by the unconditional love that they hold for one another. As for Dena’s voice, both pain and joy come through as she mourns the loss of who she thought Alex would be and falls in love with the person that Alex is becoming.